Dating rules are needed firstly because as Christians, whatever we do must not violate Gods instructions to us about how we should live our lives as Christians. We are to live holy with pure intentions, actions and thoughts and we are to live like Christ not like the world and that extends to dating as well. “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world..” – Romans 12:2
Christian dating rules are needed because if we are honest with ourselves most of us got our ideas and concepts about dating from the world through television, films, soap operas, talk shows and other forms of media sources. As a result we have worldly views of the dating process, we end up dating according to the standards of the world where there are hardly any boundaries and anything goes.
People that date according to the “worlds” standard see nothing wrong with kissing on the first date, they see nothing wrong with having sex on the first date, and they see nothing wrong with one night stands and having multiple partners. Such are the standards of the world, but if we are to do things differently from the world then we must have a set of christian dating rules that we follow to guide our actions.
But if we want to please God (the key word being “if”) then we can’t do it the world’s way. Yes we are in the world but we are to be salt and light in the world and not conform to darkness and ignorance of the world.
Christian dating rules are also needed because of common cases like the following:
The next thing you know, you’re physical involved and sexually involved. The first time was a mistake, but then it keeps happening, then it becomes a habit, you tell yourself “well we’re going to get married anyway so it okay right..” And all this within just a few weeks or months of dating – where were the boundaries? (By having and following a set of Christian dating rules, you will have bundaries in your dating relationships to protect you.)
The next thing you know they’re acting funny, they start being deceitful, they lie to you, they start making excuses, they need time off from the relationship – then the inevitable, they don’t want to be with you anymore. They leave you heartbroken, they leave having taken a precious part of you and every time you see them after that you feel awkward and ashamed regretting ever meeting them and allowing yourself to give them something so precious – Your Body.
Many people can relate with the above example because it’s very common. I’ve seen it happen over and over and I myself was once a victim.
It is because of issues like this that Christian dating rules are needed. I want to help people build defenses to help protect themselves while dating so that they don’t end up being taken advantage of, so that they can sort out the good people from the bad people and so that they can sort out the potential life partners from the ravening wolves.
While it is not okay for people to take advantage of each other during dating, you also must be responsible for your own actions while you are dating, it’s easy to point at how people have wronged us, but if we as individuals were more cautious sometimes during dating and set up boundaries for ourselves, we would avoid much of the hurt and pain that we experience. In essence, these Christian dating rules are there to help you and guide you so that you dont get hurt during your dating experience.
ALLOW GOD TO LEAD YOU TO THE RIGHT PERSON
I am not trying to be over spiritual with this point even if it sounds that way. God can lead you to the right person if you let him. Sometimes we think we have to figure everything out ourselves and we leave no room for God to do his thing. Psalms 37:23 says “The steps of a righteous man are ordered by God” God can order your steps to the person that will compliment your life. When you order your own steps you might end up with someone that will take advantage of you.
God ordered my steps to meet the woman who is now my wife, she belonged to a small church at the time and there weren’t even many guys her age in the church who could be potential mates for her. She could have left for a bigger church to improve her chances but she didn’t have to because God ordered my steps to the little church she was attending, I was attending the largest church in the London at the time and God took me out of that large church to a small unknown church and led me to my wife. It doesn’t matter where you are, if you submit to God, the mate he has for you will find you so let God lead you to the right person. I think I’ve said enough on this now.
The second of the Christian dating rules:
PRAY THAT GOD WILL BRING YOU OR LEAD YOU TO SOMEONE THAT WILL COMPLIMENT YOUR LIFE.
For some reason many people don’t pray anymore especially when it comes to relationship and dating issues, we kind of just do our own thing and don’t involve God then expect God to put his approval on something he didn’t initiate. We go out, find our own mate, pick the person we want without involving God then we want him to bless it. No wonder most relationships fail, even the Christian ones. The reason most people never find a good or suitable mate is because they never prayed for one, so they keep falling into the hands of the wrong people.
When you pray and ask God for a suitable mate, he will answer you. “Ask and it shall be given unto you” – Matthew 7:7. If you don’t ask God then you won’t get, “You do not have because you do not ask” – James 4:3 and if you do have without asking then you can’t guarantee that who you have is who God wants you to be with, so don’t blame God if it all goes wrong. When you ask, you might not get the answer when you want but God will answer you at the right time, and also when you ask, you might not get the answer you want in the package you expected, they might not look like “your type” but if you go with God, you will never regret.
The third of the Christian dating rules:
DON’T LEAD PEOPLE ON AND PLAY WITH THEIR EMOTIONS
If you know that you are not ready to settle down, if you know that you are not ready to fully commit to someone, then don’t lead them on, don’t get people’s hopes up and lead them on to think that there is a future between you and them when you know in your mind that you are not sure. Don’t start taking them out, calling them all the time, telling them how you feel about them and getting them emotionally attached to you when you know that you are not sure you want to commit and settle down with them. You will end up breaking their heart and hurting them especially if they have started to fall for you. Be sensitive towards the feelings of other people and don’t take people for a ride.
You reap what you sow and if you hurt someone that really likes you because you were playing games with their heart, someone you really like will also break your heart one day. You reap what you sow.
The fourth of the Christian dating rules:
DON’T GET CARRIED AWAY WITH YOUR FEELINGS
It is very easy to get carried away when you start dating someone you really like, you automatically start dreaming about the future and how you will live happily ever after, you start dreaming about becoming husband and wife and having children and a nice family home etc and if care isn’t taken you will allow your feelings to get the better of you and you will throw common sense out of the window.
Don’t get so carried away that you start giving them access to your body and they are placing their hands all over your private parts, making out with you, kissing you, heavy petting etc when you hardly know them, yes there will be attraction and with attraction will come the temptation to do all those things but you have to keep your feelings in check. No one qualifies to do all those things to you until they have said “I DO” period. You will end up cheapening yourself and lose the respect of the very person you are trying to win.
Also don’t get so carried away that you begin to act as if you’re married to them when you are only just dating. You are already carrying them financially, cooking for them, cleaning their house, sleeping over, etc when you are still just dating.
If you give then all the benefits of marriage without the commitment then there is no incentive to get married. Slow your roll, do your due diligence on the person, test their character. You might find that after testing their character that they don’t even qualify for your ears, that they are not even someone you should give audience to let alone your heart, body and soul.
The Fifth of the Christian dating rules:
ESTABLISH WHERE THE RELATIONSHIP IS GOING EARLY ON
Personally, I don’t believe in dating just to “see how it goes” the reason many Christian singles get hurt in relationships and dating is because one person was just “seeing how it goes” while the other person had committed their heart and soul.
When you allow God to lead you, it shouldn’t be about “seeing how it goes” because God won’t lead you to someone just to “see how it goes” he will lead you to someone who he knows you can have a future with, it should be about developing a friendship because I know that the rest of my life will be committed to you so I need to take the time to get to know you, so that we can learn to function as one, it is a time to know your habits so that I can deal with them and not necessarily try to change you, it is a time for me to discover your like and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses and love you through all those things rather than but put off by them and run away in search of the “perfect” person that doesn’t exist. When you have this understanding you will save yourself from many heartaches and mistakes.
When God is leading you then you will be able to establish where the relationship is going very early on, you will know that you are both working towards a common goal, but many cant establish that because they didn’t even seek God in their decision, so they themselves don’t know whether the relationship is going anywhere, there is no conviction that something fruitful will yield from the dating and that’s why they’re “seeing how it goes”.
Before dating both of you should seek God and let him direct you, then when you do start, your dating will be for a goal and a purpose and not just “seeing how it goes”.
Hope you learned something from these christian dating rules, if you follow them they will make dating a better experience for you and there will be less heartaches. Share these christian dating rules with your single friends, you can tweet the link of this page on twitter or even share it on face book, and just because they are christian dating rules doesnt mean you cant share them with your non-christian friends, they too can benefit from some of these rules.