Isn't It Dangerous To Build A Christian Friendship With A Girl I Like First? Won't She Just Only Ever See Me As Just A Friend And Nothing More?

A guy asked me the following question on Christian Friendship with a girl

Do you think it is necessary (or possibly detrimental) to develop a strong Christian friendship with a girl before dating/courting them?

I know friendship should be a part of the relationship, but I wonder whether it is better to be strictly friends before ever moving towards a romantic relationship.

I can see how that would make getting to know the person easier and the relationship might move slower, but it is also possible to get stuck in the "friend zone" as some people call it, where a girl will never thinks of you as anything but her friend. What do you think?

This was my response

That's an interesting question you asked, I think you have to be careful when developing a Christian friendship with a girl, like you rightly said, there is a danger of becoming such good friends that it becomes difficult to make that transition from friendship to a serious relationship because of fear that if the relationship doesn't work out then you end up losing a really good friend.

The way I approached this when I was dating my wife was that even though we took time to develop a Christian friendship first before transitioning into a relationship, I made my intentions known right from the beginning, I let her know right from the start that eventually I would want more than just friendship.

And I think that is a good way to approach things, while building a friendship always keep hinting that you are interested in more than a friendship but don't put pressure on her and don't try to rush things, you have to be clear but subtle.

The reason you have to keep making your intentions known is that you want to know whether she can see herself in a possible romantic relationship with you.

By regularly hinting that you want more than friendship eventually, you will be able to see her response. If you don't see any negative reaction from her like she begins ignoring your calls or she starts keeping her distance from you, and if she doesn't come out with it outright that she isn't interested then you may be in with a chance.

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she might take her time to let you know if she likes you because she wants to get to know you as a person first before deciding whether she wants to be in a relationship with you, but if she doesn't like you in that way she will probably give you hints or just tell you straight up.

By approaching things this way you get to build the Christian friendship with her but she also has it in the back of her mind that you like her in that way, so making the transition from friendship to a relationship will be easier if it eventually gets to that stage.

Different ways to keep reinforcing to her that you like her:

you can call her or send her messages regularly telling her how much you miss her or have been thinking about her, be really sweet and show her lots of attention and care.

Okay I think I've said enough for now. Hope it helps (I know it’' probably not the conventional advice but it worked for me)

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