Relationships and courtships are not easy. They are full of ups and downs, you and your partner can be happy and enjoying each other's company one minute and the next minute you can be angry and upset with eachother. That's just the nature of relationships, whenever two different people who have had different upbringings and life experiences along with the natural differences we have as men and women, try to function as one unit, there are bound to be problems and challenges.
If you have been in your courtship or relationship for a while now you will have began to notice that it's not all a bed of roses. There are obstacles and challenges that you will face and are probably facing right now in your courtship. The first thing I want to say is that you should celebrate these challenges because they come to test your relationship to see if you really have something genuine and strong.
If your Christian courtship is able to stand and be strong despite all the challenges you face, it is a good sign that you have something solid. If the challenges drive the two of you apart then it means that your relationship probably isn't strong enough and it's better for the courtship to break up than for your marriage to break up.
All too often Christian singles put up so much front and facade in the courtship and don't allow the person they are dating to see the real them. You have to come to a place in your relationship where you can be yourself, where your partner gets to see not only your strengths but also your weaknesses, this is important because whoever you are going to marry needs to be able to accept you with your flaws.
Don't ever get married to someone when you haven't shown them who you really are and when you haven't seen the real them and what they are like when they get angry and upset. If you have never had disagreements, misunderstandings and challenges in your courtship, that could be a very bad sign, it might mean that you are both sweeping the things that offend and annoy you under the carpet in the attempt to avoid confrontations. It means that you are not being honest with eachother about how you truly feel about certain things and the day will eventually come when you can't pretend anymore, where everything you've been holding in explodes. I wouldn't like to be around the day that happens!
There is no courtship or relationship that doesn't experience one challenge or the other, even the happiest of couples have areas of differences, what keeps them happy is the fact that they are able to still love each other unconditionally despite of their differences. So don't run just because you have areas of differences and misunderstandings, learn to communicate and strive to overcome the challenges and obstacles you face in your courtship and if you are able to overcome these challenges then it means you have a solid relationship.
Abstaining from Sex This is probably the biggest challenge you will face in courtship. Every couple I know struggled with this at one point or the other in their courtship. The closer you get to someone, the more the love grows between the two of you, the harder it becomes to abstain from sex. Many fall into the temptation under the excuse that they are going to get married anyway. But the truth is that having sex before marriage can actually end up driving the two of you apart because of the guilt that comes with the sin and also because of the fear of unwanted pregnancy.
There have been cases when two people are in a Christian courtship, they end up having sex outside marriage, the girl gets pregnant and the guy runs and abandons her out of fear and shame, and this is the same guy that promised to marry her. I don't want to dwell on this too much. Check out the sex education section to learn more about the effects of sex on a relationship. Just remember that sexual temptation is just one of the challenges you will face in your courtship, it is a challenge you must overcome.
Waiting for eachother till marriage shows that there is true commitment, it shows that your relationship is not just physical and that there is true love not just lust. It shows that there is more to your relationship than sex.
Misunderstandings Another major challenge that couples in courtship face is misunderstandings. How many times have you said something innocently to your partner and they took it the wrong way thinking that you were trying to attack them, they retaliate and you both end up having an argument. This is perfectly normal and has its roots in the physiological and psychological differences between men and women. The key thing to do when this happens is to be patient and not fly off your handle and seek to make sure both of you understand that it was truly a misunderstanding and make the necessary apologies.
If you are the one that got the wrong end of the stick then apologize for overreacting, if you were the one misunderstood it is easy to want to add fuel to the fire and get angry at your partner for misunderstanding you and accusing you of something you didn't mean, but it is important that you remain calm and communicate what you really meant and resolve the misunderstanding.
Trust When there are trust issues in a relationship it can be a major challenge for the two people in the courtship. Past experiences in previous relationships can result in you or your partner having a suspicious mind and as a result have difficulties trusting the person you are in a relationship with, especially if someone has hurt you in a previous relationship by cheating on you or abusing you.
If you find that you are unable to trust your partner based on your past experiences then you need to talk to your partner about your past experiences so that they can understand why you are the way you are and not just think that they are the cause of your trust issues. If you don't tell them why you have the trust issues they will think you are being unjust by not trusting them especially if they haven't given you any reason not to trust them and have been faithful to you.
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If your present partner has been unfaithful and that is what has caused the mistrust in the relationship, then you will need time to heal even if they have repented, apologized and changed their ways. Even if you decide to give them a second chance things won't automatically go back to the way they were. It will take time before you are able to trust them again and it will be an ongoing battle. But if you have chosen to give them another chance then you must truly strive to learn to fully trust them again by not dwelling on the past mistake they made.
It wouldn't be right for the two of you to stay in a relationship where there is no trust, so if you have decided to give it another go after infidelity has taken place then you must also recognize that you will have to learn and truly make an attempt to trust again or else it just won't work and the courtship will be frustrating and unpleasant for the both of you.
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