I Want To Date This Man, We Know We Are Meant To Be Together. He Is Still Married But He Is Contemplating A divorce.

I got this question from one of our visitors. I decided to post the answer because I know the answer will benefit others who might find themself in a similar situation.

Question

Is it wise to date a man who is contemplating divorce with his current wife? Taking into consideration he has children...

In saying all of this, we still feel that we are meant to be together.

Answer

We cannot always help it when we fall in love or become attracted to someone, and most of the time we cannot predict or determine who it is we end up falling for. Nonetheless however, we have to look out for complicated consequences and plan out how best to deal with them with a situation like this.

Whether it is wise is for you to pursue a relationship with this man is something you will have to decide but to help you out are these considerations:

1 That it may be a messy divorce and you will be right in it. Can you handle that?

2 Also that if you date him now, you have to accept that you will be a thorn in another woman’s marriage. He is getting involved with you while he is still married; so in a sense he is being unfaithful to his wife. It may be more ethical to give space and time for him to completely finish with this marriage before entering into a relationship with him.

3 You must also consider that he is prepared to enter a relationship with you when he hasn’t yet closed the chapter with his wife, so what’s to say that if things don’t work out with the two of you he won’t start seeing another woman before he has brought closure to your relationship. If he can do it to his wife he can do the same to you in the future so be mindful of that.

4 You should also investigate and understand why his marriage has not worked out. Are there weaknesses and sources of concern that can be revealed?

5 Does he not need time to heal and grow from this experience first with sufficient time before entering another relationship? Will you be a rebound partner for him?

6 Equally serious are the fact that there are 2 children involved who will be dealing whether positively or negatively with this divorce and they will need a lot of time before having to deal with the idea that their father has moved on so quickly from their mother?

You have to be real with yourself and carefully think about these issues. It is sometimes dangerous to make decisions based on feelings and “love” I am sure you have started to develop feelings for this man because you wouldn’t be considering a relationship with him otherwise, but just be careful that your feelings don’t end up leading you into something very complicated and messy.

If you are a Christian, it would be very advisable to pray fervently and seek God concerning this matter and also speak to your pastor about it so that they can further advice you and pray with you. When a situation is complicated like this it is very important to be lead by God and be sure that this is something that God is leading you into so as to avoid future regrets.

So be honest with yourself, and if you do decide to pursue this relationship with him then make sure you walk into it with your eyes open fully aware of the issues you will have to deal with as a result.

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