Ever Found Yourself Asking Does he love me? Is he still in love with me?

As a lady, you might find yourself asking the question does he love me for 2 common reasons:

1. Maybe you just started dating this guy or are at the beginning stages of a new relationship with a guy you are absolutely crazy about and you are wondering does he love me the way I love he.

2. Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship with a guy for a while, for a few years maybe, you might even be married and it seems like your man isn’t as excited about you as he once was and as a result you are also wondering does he love me or is her still in love with me?

I aim to explore these two scenarios and let you into the mind of a man. By the time you finish reading this hopefully you will be able to know whether he loves you or is still in love with you depending on which category you fall in.

Scenario 1: I’m in a new relationship and I am in love with him, how do I know if he equally loves me.

This particular scenario is easier to answer because it is usually during the early stages of the relationship that a guy shows his sensitive and affectionate side the most. At this stage if he has feelings for you he will usually be very loving, caring and thoughtful.

The chances are that he is thinking about you all the time and wishing he was with you at every given moment of the day so as a result he is calling you regularly or sending you text messages regularly just to let you know that he is thinking of you, he wants to go out on dates all the time because he wants to be in your company, he also actually wants to also talk to you and have long conversations with you to get to know you better, at this point he doesn’t mind spending hours on the phone with you to the point that you might both even fall asleep talking on the phone till early hours of the morning.

If he has extra cash the chances are that he is splashing it out on you and buying you gifts for cute things like you “1 month anniversary”.

If you can identify with some of the things I have mentioned and seen some of those signs then the answer to your question does he love me is probably yes and even if he can’t say that he loves you yet or even if he isn’t sure whether he loves you yet, the signs are good that he could eventually end up loving you and falling in love with you.

That of course isn’t to say that if a guy doesn’t show these signs that he doesn’t love you, some guys are very shielded and scared to show how they feel, but 9 times out 10 a guy will demonstrate some of those signs and if he is demonstrating those signs then he most likely has feelings for you and possibly does love you and wants to have a serious relationship with you and settle down with you.

He will make his intentions known that he is serious about having a long term relationship with you, not just befriending you and taking you out but never making any true commitment.

Scenario 2: We’ve been together a while now and I am not sure if he still loves me because he doesn’t show it anymore.

This scenario is very common in relationships that have been going on for a few years, for most women in the early stages of the relationship with the guy, they didn’t have to ask does he love me because the guy was showing and demonstrating that he loves you. He was calling you all the time to tell you that he loves you, he was sending you text messages all the time to tell you that he loves you, he was spending time with you and giving you his undivided attention, he never argued with you, it was like you could never do anything wrong in his sight, he took you out on dates all the time, he bought you gifts all the time, you could tell he was excited and happy to be with you, he was proud to be with you, he loved you and you knew it without a shadow of a doubt.

But as time passed by those signs that convinced you of his love for you seem to have disappeared, he doesn’t call you as much, the “I love you” or “I’m thinking about you” text messages have stopped, he no longer tells you that he loves you, it feels like he no longer wants to spend time with you, in fact you feel like you have to compete with his laptop and the television for his time because they get more of his time and attention than you do – he doesn’t seem as interested or as excited about you and you are constantly having to ask him “do you still love me” because you are no longer convinced whether he does. When all this begins to happen, you will find yourself asking where has the love gone, where has the excitement gone, does he still care about me, does he still find me desirable, does he still find me attractive, does he still want me, does he love me?

The chances are that he probably does still love you but is now relaxed and feels he doesn’t have to do all those things anymore because he now has you.

Ladies, us men are very bad when it comes to reassuring you that we love you. We think that just because we told you last week that we love you that we don’t have to say it again for a while because you should know. You see, in a man’s mind he thinks that working hard to pay the bills and buying you things is what counts as love so he pours himself into his work so that he can make more money, so that he can provide more for you and he thinks that will prove to you that he loves you.

He doesn’t realise that the way you want that love communicated is different from the way he is communicating it, and because he isn’t communicating it the right way, you start to wonder to yourself does he love me. And if you dare ask him do you still love me? He probably gets angry and offended that you would question his love for you, because he thinks that all of his hard work and providing should be enough evidence of the love he has for you.

He doesn’t know that love to you is doing the little things, the phone calls and text messages just to say I love you, the holding of hands, the compliments, picking up some flowers for you on the way back from work to show that he’s been thinking of you, assisting you with the household chores and helping out with the children, conversations with his undivided attention not his attention divided between you his laptop and the TV (of which I am sometimes guilty if I am honest.)

Does he love me you ask? Yes of course he loves you but he doesn’t know how to communicate that love the way you want him to communicate it, he wants to love you his way and not the way you need him to and that’s where the problem is.

So what’s the solution?

This is what my wife does when she find herself in does he love me land, she starts to hint at me that she needs more of my time, attention and affection. She will say things like we haven’t spent time together in a while, or we haven’t been out in a while, or you haven’t been very affectionate lately. But when she says it, she has learnt to communicate those words in a sensitive way because she has discovered that if she communicates it in a way that seems confrontational, rather than me agreeing with her and making more time for her and being more affectionate, I will get defensive and take it as an attack on me and see it as her saying that I am not being a good husband to her, I then get angry and upset and we end up having some heated fellowship (does that sound familiar!) the key is in how you say it.

The challenge with men is that we have a tendency to drift back into old habits so if he starts slacking again and your love tank gets empty then you have to sensitively remind him again that you need him because you are in does he love me land again.

Whenever you find yourself asking yourself does he love me, remember that the chances are that he does still love you, it’s just that being the typical man that he is, he has gotten himself so engrossed in his work and has become relaxed and complacent that he forgets to do the little things that counts and make you feel loved and all he needs is a little reminder in a non confrontational way that he needs to pay you a bit more attention, and that usually does the trick – well at least for me anyway.

Don’t assume that because he is no longer doing all the things that you expect him to do and the things that he used to do at the beginning of the relationship that he no longer loves you. Don’t use it as an excuse to go and get that love somewhere else because the grass seems greener on the other side and some other guy is giving you the attention he isn’t, very soon this new guy will become just like the one you have and the cycle will repeat itself because men and men. You just have to train him to love you the way you want him to, and if he really loves you, he will be willing to learn, he won’t always get it right but he’ll keep trying – you just need to exercise a bit of patience with him.

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