Should I Disclose My Past Secrets That I'm Not Proud Of To My Boyfriend Or Girlfriend?

Sometimes it helps to tell your partner about your past because it helps you find healing and it also helps your partner to understand you better and make allowances for your insecurities and fears because they know where you are coming from.

You see, our past can cause us to display certain negative behaviors in our relationship which we might even be unaware of. For example, if a girl has been raped or molested in the past, she might have issues with being able to show affection in her relationship. As a result her boyfriend or fiancee wont understand why she behaves so cold towards him despite all his efforts to show her how much he loves her. He then becomes frustrated with her lack of affection and starts complaining to her about it not realizing that she has a perfectly good reason for her actions, but unless she opens up about her past how can he understand her behavior.

This is just an example and your past issues might not be a case of rape or molestation, but the same principle might apply so talking about the past can help bring greater understanding between the two of you and your partner will understand why you are the way you are. A really good partner will help you through your issues and help you heal and not judge you based on your past. Opening up about your past can help to bring a greater bond between the two of you.

But if you are going to share your past secrets with your partner you have to be sure that they can handle it and are mature enough not to judge you for it.

I feel the more serious the relationship gets the more you would probably need to disclose especially if the relationship is heading towards marriage. If there have been issues of rape, molestation, abortion etc it might be best to talk about these with your partner before marriage so that they are going into marriage being fully aware of everything in your past. The person you are going to spend the rest of your life with should be someone that can accept you even with your flaws and past mistakes and still love you anyway. If they can't accept you with you past then maybe they are not the right person for you. We all have a past, we have all done things we are not proud of so nobody has the right to judge you especially if you have turned over a new leaf.

Another reason you should disclose your past is that, if your partner is going to hear anything negative about you, you want them to hear it from you first and not an outsider. You see, when some people see that you are in a happy relationship, they want to do everything they can to destroy it and these are usually people you consider as so called friends.

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When my wife and I were still dating, some people in church would go and tell her negative things about me about my past relationships. These were obviously people that knew me for them to know about my past mistakes. They wanted to break us up because they didn't want to see me happy because of whatever they thought they knew about me. But I had already told my wife (then girlfriend) most of these things that they were telling her so she wasn't bothered about it too much, had I not told her and she was hearing it from them for the first time she might have reacted differently and wondered why I wasn't disclosing such important information to her, she would have started suspecting that maybe I had something to hide.

There are some things however that I wouldn't recommend disclosing, I mean if you're not a virgin and have had sex before you should disclose that to your partner before marriage but there's no need to tell them how many people you've been with (especially if you've had a very wild past) or who you've been with. If your partner starts questioning you about how many people you've been with and the specific people you've been with then you have to question their motives and reasons for wanting to know.

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How would them having that information help strengthen the bond in your relationship? the truth is that most people can't handle it when you tell them how many people you've been with or who you've been with (regardless of whether you've been intimate with a lot of people or just one) Usually they just want to know out of curiosity not because of any valid reason and when they find out they might not be able to deal with what they hear. So issues like this have to be dealt with using wisdom.

And finally, don't be in a rush to disclose things about your past too soon, get to know the maturity of your partner before you disclose certain things, and also make sure that your relationship is in a mature and strong place before you start disclosing things about yourself. Trust is something that I believe has to be earned in a relationship, especially in this day and age we are living in and only the ears you trust qualify for your deepest of secrets.

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