Relationship Question - He Is Violent Towards Me and Has Shown Signs Of Unfaithfulness. Should I Stay With Him Because I Still Loves Him And He's Always Been There For Me?

I’ve been watching your videos on YouTube now for a while and just want to thank God for you and your lovely wife as you have been a blessing to me. I just wanted to personally ask for some advice after watching the video 'It’s a bad sign If you are the only one doing all the giving in the relationship'.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now which I must say has not been the most easiest, he is much more older than me and my parents are not very fond of him. I’ve always thought that I’ve been taken advantage of as I’ll be the one asking him to make some time to come see me or to do something together but it never works and I end up making the efforts.

Recently I found some comments he made on a woman’s picture on facebook calling her hot and other comments which I thought was quite inappropriate. This has left me feeling hurt also he has been physically violent to me in the past but has promised it wont happen again and it hasn’t, but I do not believe him.

On the other hand he has been my rock by standing by me SOMETIMES when I needed him financially, morally and emotionally which made me fall in love with him, but something deep down keeps making me feel uncomfortable with the relationship.

I don’t want to disobey my parents but I don’t want to let a potential good man go and loose him forever.

I am so confused and don’t know what to do. I have been praying about the relationship status but to be honest not relentlessly as I am also worried the time God may take to direct me may waste his time as he is not getting any younger. Thank you and hope to hear from you soon...God bless!

My Thoughts and Advice on This Issue:

I have to be brutally honest with you, the signs in your relationship are not good. Let me regurgitate a few of the statements you made in your email to me

1) You feel he is taking advantage of you because you are the one always making the effort to see him.

2) You found some comments he made on a woman’s picture on facebook calling her hot and other comments which I thought was quite inappropriate.

3) He has been physically violent to you in the past but has promised it wont happen again and it hasn’t, but you do not believe him.

4) Something deep down keeps making me feel uncomfortable with the relationship

5) Your parents don’t approve

Lets imagine that you were on the outside looking in and someone came to you and told you all these things about their partner, would you still advice them to stay with that person and marry that person? And be honest with yourself.

1) If you are the one always making the effort to see him, then maybe he isn’t that into you and isn’t as committed to the relationship as you are, because from experience I know that when you love someone and I mean really love someone, you always want to spend time with them and would go to any length to be with them, the only exception being if you live in different countries or different cities, aside from that, there is no real excuse. If the desire to spend time with you isn’t there then that is very worrying, at this stage he should still be chasing you and wanting to spend every moment with you.

2) You found him making inappropriate comments on another girls picture on facebook, not just normal compliments but comment that you found inappropriate to the point that you felt hurt. This could mean that he has eyes for other ladies and its even possible that there might be other ladies in the picture that you are unaware of. If his eyes are outside, the chances are that he might not be very faithful to you, and if he is bold enough to make those comments to another lady on facebook, then the chances are that he will be bold enough to speak to and date other ladies apart from you.

3) He has been physically violent towards you, as far as I am concerned, if this is happening in a courtship, where you haven’t yet even said “I Do” you better run for your life. He has no right and no excuse to lay his hands on you, and that is a serious alarm bell and danger signal. It might not have happened again since then, but what it does show is that he is capable of such behaviour and if you push him, he will hit you again unless he deals with that problem. If he is already hitting you before marriage, you will be his punching bag in marriage, so please know what you are getting yourself in for, don’t deceive yourself, be honest with yourself. Even you said that you don’t believe him when he said he will never hit you again, that’s because deep down inside you, you know that he can do it again.

4) If sometime deep down makes you uncomfortable with the relationship, the chances are that God is trying to talk to you, that feeling of discomfort is probably God telling you to get out of that relationship, if God was in the relationship you would feel peace and certainty not confusion and discomfort.

5) If your parents don’t approve, then you are setting yourself up for marital challenges, you want your parents to give you away happily, you want the blessings of your parents upon your marriage, and I am sure that your parents have valid reasons for disapproving. Obey your parents and honour them if you want to live long (that’s what the bible says) and aside from that, if you want to have a successful marital life then you should make sure you get your parents blessings, and if your physical parents or spiritual parents don’t give you their blessing to carry on with this relationship then my advice is to get out of it.

Well, that’s my analysis and advice and I hope it helps you in your decision about what to do, from the signs, I can tell you that it doesn’t look good and the relationship probably won’t work out and if by some chance you guys do end up getting married, it will be very challenging and you might end up in an unhappy marriage. That is my opinion and advice but I could be wrong, ultimately it’s your life and it’s your decision, but just remember that whatever you decide, you will have to live with it so decide wisely.

I know my advice might come across as a bit strong, but trust me when I say that I am just being honest with you and want the best for you.

God Bless

PaulDatingadvice4christiansingles.com

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