My Thoughts On The Ever Popular Relationship Question - Should We Get Married Because She Is Pregnant?

should we get married because she is pregnant

I know that there are many views on this, but I am not sure that getting married just because you got pregnant or because you got a girl pregnant is the right thing to do.

The argument for marrying a girl just because you got her pregnant is that, if you feel you are man enough to get a girl pregnant then you should be man enough to take responsibility for the pregnancy, marry her and build a life together, another argument for is that if you are going to have a child together, you don't want that child to be illegitimate or born outside of wedlock (what people refer to as a bastard child). Both of these sound like noble reasons to get married as a result of unplanned pregnancy but I am not sure that they are good enough reasons to get married.

The decision to get married is not one that should be made out of trying to do damage control because of an unplanned pregnancy, it is not one to be made out of obligation, it is not even one to be made out of trying to do the right thing, the decision to get married should be based on the fact that you have heard from God and know that this is the person you are supposed to marry and also that you are indeed ready to take that step and you are both in love with eachother and want to spend the rest of your lives together.

Marriage is too important to just commit the rest of your life to someone that you are not even sure you are supposed to be with. Marriage is too important to just do it out of parental pressure to get married just because you got pregnant or got someone pregnant.

I have seen several cases of people getting married as a result of unplanned pregnancy, they either wanted to do the right thing by getting married or felt pressured to do so by their family, they end up getting married not because they had planned to but because it seemed like the right thing to do for the sake of the unborn child - A year down the line, they are headed for divorce because the marriage wasn't built on something solid, and the decision was made out of crisis and panic and not wanting people to label you as irresponsible or promiscuous.

Marriages based on this foundation rarely work out because the decision to get marriage was a knee jerk reaction to a crisis you didn't expect and not a well thought out decision that you made out of love for eachother and readiness for marriage.

I have seen it happen a few times with people that I know, close friends, not once, not twice, not three times, but several cases, such people are usually divorced or separated within one year of that marriage, and the marriage often ends in bitterness towards eachother because deep down they weren't ready.

In most cases the guy agrees to marry the girl he has impregnated not because he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but because he wants to try to do the "right thing" and that might work for a few months of the marriage but eventually his heart will begin to grow cold towards the girl because he doesn't really want to be with her and ends up having an affair with another girl and ultimately breaking up the emergency marriage with even more crisis and bitterness.

The chances are that when he got with the girl he had no intention of marriage, he just wanted a bit of fun, it was just supposed to be a sex thing for him (even though he might lead her to believe it's more than that) and now he gets her pregnant and is being forced to marry someone he has no real feelings for and you expect that marriage to work? (a part of me feels like saying "serves him right for thinking he can play with someone's heart, mind and emotions like that and think he can get away scot free")

You simply cannot force your heart to do what it doesn't want to do, you can't force your heart to love someone it doesn't want to love, you might be able to fool yourself for a while but you won't be able to fool yourself for long and you end up doing more damage because not only now do you have an unplanned pregnancy, you also end up with a bitter divorce and a broken family and a child who is caught in the middle of the whole thing.

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It's because God wants to protect us from these kinds of situations, that's why he tells us to wait until marriage, until we settle down with the spouse he has ordained for us. You simply don't have these issues in a marriage where the couple have made a genuine decision to be with other not because of an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy but because they based their marriage decision on a good foundation, and what it boils down to is your foundation and your reason for getting married, if your foundation is weak and your reason for getting married is weak, your marriage will be weak and it will not stand in the face of a storm.

God wants to protect us from situations where we simply get married out of pressure because of an unplanned pregnancy, he wants to protect us from situations where you start contemplating abortion because you got pregnant outside of marriage and cant bear the shame, that's why he says wait till marriage, when you wait till marriage you save yourself from a lot of hassle, stress, mistakes, shame and bad decisions, but most of us think we can cheat on the principles of God, we say to ourselves "I'll use protection and we'll be fine" we think we can outsmart God, we think we can violate his principles and not bear the consequences, then we end up in a situation we didn't bargain for.

No matter what situation you find yourself in, when you are getting married, make sure your decision to get married is based on the right reasons and on the right foundation.

A foundation of knowing that this marriage is Gods will

A foundation of knowing that your destinies are tied together

A foundation of true and mutual love and commitment for one another

Anything outside of these will not work.

Have Some View To Share On ThisTopic?

What are your views about people getting married just because the girl got pregnant? Do such marriages work? Is it a good enough reason to get married? Share your thoughts!

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What Other Visitors Have Said

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Learn from my experience - don't marry cos she's pregnant 
I have been there. Even better she tricked me to get pregnant, I wanted to do the right thing for her, the baby and me. This turned out to be a huge …

Going through this - got her pregnant but dont want to marry her 
I'm also going through this..I have been dating this for a year and she got pregnant.Now I'm even afraid of telling my parents coz I know they will expect …

There Is Still Hope After An Unplanned Pregnancy 
I am dating a single mother who was in the situation above a few years ago. I can see how she and her son's father were an extreme mismatch. I honestly …

way to go Not rated yet
In my opinion, I agree with the author but when this has happened and the marriage hit the rocks, what's the way forward, as a christian?

Messed Up then forced to get married because I got her pregnant Not rated yet
I got a pastors daughter pregnant. I manned up an told him and he told me we should get married. We went and got councelled by 2 different pastors and …

wow  Not rated yet
That hit home. My BC my bf told me he's not ready we've got a 13 month old son. He says he loves God. Won't go to church actions don't agree. We've got …

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